Just Remember
by XxNovellaxX
Summary: Meredith and Derek are just friends, which one will crack first? My Third MerDer! Rated for future language.
1. Chapter 1

**Takes place after sundays episode.** **Enjoy!**

Circumstances

The glass door, which she is now growing to hate, opens and a very tired and emotionally drained Meredith walks in the front door. She is just getting back from an hour and a half at Joe's, actually she went straight there after her shift was over. She spent most of her time there thinking about Addison's little Jeu Jeu thing she does and why she'd be giving her some of it too. Christina had earlier caught Meredith drinking a sip and then chucking it in the trash. When asked on the subject later on all Meredith had to say was _"would you drink it under these circumstances?."_ Christina just nodded and smirked as she always does and goes on with her own thing. Surprisingly Meredith didn't lie, then again she didn't tell the whole truth.

Did Addison know Meredith and Derek were friends now? If so she must be okay with it. while at Joe's sipping tequila, Meredith also thought about Derek and their new relationship as friends... She didn't know how much longer she could go on pretending she didn't love him anymore. She wonders if he feels the same. Well, she knows he loves her, Mark even said so and Derek did punch him just at the sight of him talking to her. She can even see it in his eyes. She is so sick of feeling this way. She just wants to crumple up her feelings and throw it into the imaginary trash can along with her guilt. _That reminds me...George...I don't think he'll ever speak to me again._

Meredith's plans of collapsing on the couch, to put her mind at ease, and perhaps to watch a little tv before going to bed are unfortunately short lived, Christina and Izzie are already on the couch, beer all over the coffee table, no coasters involved.

"Hey Mer!" Christina says a bit drunk, "We just popped in some surgical tapes!" she continues pointing at the tv with a bottle of beer in hand. Meredith is already irritated as it is, it all shows on her twitching face.

"Yeah! I found more boxes!" Izzie says very loudly as if she couldn't even hear herself talk.

This was the last straw, "We are not watching my mothers surgery tapes. We are not unpacking more boxes." _I thought we got them all... _"We are not having long conversations where we complain about the crappy moments of our lives. And what did I say about using the damn coasters!" Meredith screams picking up all the bottles, even taking the ones out of her friends hands with such frustration shooting out of her like misfired bullets, you'd think she'd crack every window in the room.

"Come on Mer, We just ordered Chinese food!" Izzie blathers on.

"Chineeese..." Christina is so fair gone by now.

"You know I hate Chinese food!" Meredith screams as she stomps out of the room.

"What's her problem?" Christina asks leaning over the arm rest.

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"I feel like I've said that same thing before, only this time George wasn't there, they were both drunk and I stomped into the kitchen and stuffed myself with Izzie's chocolate cake...Ugh!" Meredith rambles on about her night last night, while walking her morning walk with McDreamy and Doc.

"Why were they drunk?" Derek asks, throwing a stick for Doc.

"Who the hell knows why Christina was, but I think Izzie is upset about falling for one of her patients..." Meredith answers, frustration from the night before still etched in every word.

"Hmm." was all Derek had to say. He wanted to help Meredith with her problems but he was still trying to finish collecting his composure after the George insistent was finally pushed into view. There was silence for a while. Meredith let out a long slow sigh, blowing all the frustration she had about George out, but keeping the McDreamy problems in. _Only a few things at a time._ Meredith thinks to herself. She senses Derek's eyes on her, he just snuck one of those oh so famous looks at her while throwing the stick for Doc for the fifth time in the last two minutes.

"Addison knows we are friends..." Derek brakes the silence.

"Oh yeah?" She asks looking at him, one eyebrow raised in interest.

"Yep, she thinks you guys are friends by proxy." He says a little unsure but doesn't show it.

"That would explain the new morning hot chocolate ritual." Meredith realizes.

"It's her thing..." More silence...

Meredith looks at Derek for any sign of discomfort, I mean, they are talking about his wife. You know, the one who reclaimed McDreamy and living her McLife, with _her _dog. Nope, no sign of discomfort anywhere. But she knows better.

"So...she also knows about our walks...?" Meredith asks, looking at the ground, her feet making crunching noises on the dry leaves and grass.

"..." Derek's lack of self confidence about this finally appears on his face.

"I take that as a no." Meredith answers looking at him now. She gives him a look of reassurance that tells him Addison doesn't have to know everything. _It's not like we are doing anything...I wish._ She thinks to herself, a smirk playing on her lips.

"What?"

"What, what?"

"That smirk."

"What smirk?" she smirks even more.

He points at her lips and smirks a little himself, "that one!"

"It's nothing I was just thinking." She says looking away, trying to wipe that smile off her face.

"Hey, we are friends now, talk to me." he says nudging her a little with his shoulder.

"It's...it's just...nothing." She replies walking ahead, to catch up to Doc, all traces of that happy memory are gone from her face.

Derek stops where he is and looks at her with that McDreamy look, along with that crooked smile and eyes shining. Meredith looks away from him, she can't resist it, why else do you think she threw herself at him that one time in the elevator?

"Meredith."

"Don't..."

"What's wrong? You don't give me that "don't Meredith me" look unless there is something wrong." he says walking over to her and kneeling down to pat Docs furry head.

"I...no, I don't want to recollect the past anymore, I just want to toss it all over my shoulder along with my..."

"Your what?" He asks even though he already knows the answer.

"...nothing..." that's good enough for him. She doesn't have to finish her sentence for him to get what she's saying. He can see it all in her eyes and the way she looks away from him when he tries to lock his gaze with hers. Frankly, he's trying to do the same thing she's doing, he is trying so hard to move on but this friends thing...it's just making it worse. She's still here. She's still close to him, the very thing he desires most has been taken from him, but he knows he can have it back anytime he wants, he just has to figure out his priorities and put his obligations to his wife aside.

Whenever he and Meredith bump shoulders or lock their eyes on each other briefly when walking through the halls of the hospital, Derek wishes his life hadn't turned out this way. He has Meredith up on a pedestal...and well, Addison, not completely in his arms. There are just some things you can't live without, and she is one of those things. One of those _major_ must- haves in life.

Meredith looks up a Derek pleadingly, she feels uncomfortable talking about the past. It hurts to much. It makes her realize just how good she had it until it all came crashing down. When it did, she finally found out for herself how it felt to have your heart ripped out, only, it wasn't replaced and is still being slowly mended back together. To many pieces, and Derek has the final piece. Derek nods his head, understanding that she doesn't want to talk about this anymore. He finally remembers something he wants to tell her, but is afraid of her reaction. He decides not to say anything for a while seeing as they have already had one of their awkward moments. So he gets up off the ground and starts walking again.

Meredith senses something in his mannerism and decides to question him, "You have something your not saying, come on, it's your turn." She says, pushing the last conversation to the farthest corner of her mind...for now.

"I don't know if you want to hear it."

"I do..." She's lying but she knows it's something she should hear, even though she has no clue what it's about.

"Okay, Addison and I are thinking about building a house...right here..."

"...You did say you had all this land and didn't know what to do with it...and now you do know, so good for you." Meredith hides her shock and disappointment with a long detailed sentence.Unfortunately , McDreamy saw right through it, but of course he plays the same game.

"Yeah, it is a convenient location, all this land is already mine, no sense in moving."

"Right..."

Walking continues, awkward footsteps of regret and sorrow follow them farther along the path. Both of them wishing the circumstances were much different then that of which they are. One of them finally has the common sense to check the time.

"Shit, if we don't head back in the next five minutes we'll be late." Derek states whistling for Doc as he turns around and starts power walking back to the trailer. Meredith follows suit. Soon the trailer is in sight.

"Bye...Derek," Meredith says breathlessly from the long power walk back.

"Bye..Mer," Derek is a little sad that they had to end their time together, they wont have another time like this again until tomorrow morning. Meredith waves good bye but not before patting Doc once last time on the head, promising to see him tomorrow as if he were her child and she was leaving him at an overnight camp or something. She walks to her car, not looking back but sensing the eyes of McDreamy. She is just as sad as he is. _I'll still see him it at work...just wont be the same with **her **around..._Meredith gets in the car, shuts the door, and drives away, still not looking at him, afraid she might jump out of the car and do something incredibly stupid and regretful. If under different circumstances, she'd be going back to his trailer with him instead of her own home without him.

**I told you I'd do another fanfic! How is this for a start? Did I keep the characters in...well character?**


	2. Chapter 2

**If Only**

It's now currently 10:31 am, about five hours into Meredith's shift. Addison had greeted her husband with a peck on the cheek, giving him a sip of her own hot chocolate, and then remembering she had another for Meredith. She had happily said her hello earlier this morning as she has been doing all this week, not forgetting the extra cup of hot chocolate that she bought for Meredith. No matter how much she loves chocolate, Meredith still drank that one sip and tossed it. Meredith still didn't like the idea of taking this from her. I mean, what does Addison expect? Does she really think that Meredith and Derek are completely serious about this whole "friends" ordeal? I mean, Meredith is trying. Derek seems to be trying as well, but how long will this last. Eventually all this pent up emotion and desire will get the better of them and one will crack under it all. Addison may be trying to make amends but, come on!

"Maybe it's her little peace treaty," Christina says into Meredith's ear as she hands her a cup of coffee when she reaches the nurses station not a minute after the dumping of the "treaty"..

"I don't really care what it is, it's just...weird." Meredith replies sipping the coffee and then placing it down on the counter and looking over her charts.

"Maybe it's her way in saying, "hey, We work in the same building, we mine as well get used to it!" Christina says laughing a little. "You know?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Meredith trails off as she reads the charts. "By the way, why did you drink so much last night?"

"Do I ever need a reason?"

"Good point." Izzie walks by in a bit of a rush, Christina and Meredith greet her but she doesn't seem to notice. She's heading off in the direction of Danny's room.

"Speaking of drinking..."

" Danny?" Meredith asked indicating the reason for Izzie being so drunk.

"Poor Izzie, I warned her about falling for patients." It's George, surprisingly he looks at Meredith, but just briefly before taking some of the charts from the pile in front of Meredith. He is still a tiny bit shaken about Alex's outburst but what Alex had said was true. If only what happened hadn't happened.

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Meredith sat down at a table by herself. She told the others she needed sometime alone. What they didn't know was that she was thinking about Derek. She was thinking about what could have been and what could be. If only Addison wasn't in the picture. _They are building a house...they are finally settling...dammit. _Meredith feels like an angst ridden teenager. She is extremely upset about how her life is turning out, she feels like it sucks big time all the time. She wishes she could wipe her past and present clean, like writing in the wet beach sand. Nobody knows this and she'd like to keep it that way. All the while as she's thinking this, her elbow is resting on the table, hand raised a little and her fork poised in her hand. She's got this look on her face saying that she is in deep thought. _Why does life always make you jump through hoops? And why am I constantly having to go through them? Is it some kind of test? And if so, what's this so called test, all about?_

"Meredith!" A voice can be heard and Meredith snaps out of her trance, noticing that the voice came from the one person she rather not sit with.

"Hmm?" Meredith asks, acting like she isn't upset or bothered by her new company.

"May I sit with you? Derek is in the middle of a major surgery right now and I didn't want to sit alone." Addison says sitting down and opening the plastic container to her salad without a "yes" or "no" from Meredith._Make it stop_...Meredith looks around for a moment, not believing that she probably will be having a civilized conversation with this McDreamy steeler any second now.

"Umm..."

"Thanks, so how are you?" Addison says taking a bite of salad.

"...I'm okay..I guess." Meredith is feeling uncomfortable and unfortunately it shows. Addison notices and tries to make it better.

"Have you been in any good surgery's today?"

"Uh..no, Bailey assigned me to a pile of charts..." nope not any better. _Be better if you just leave._

"Ah Miranda...I'll see what I can do." Addison winks at Meredith and continues to eat. Meredith notices that she hasn't even touched her food and eats a mouthful. _This is weird..._

"Uh...What about you?"

"Me, not so much, actually I have this poor little eight month old girl we think she has Bacterial Meningitis. Meredith makes a face. Sorry for the poor little thing.

"Will she be okay?"

"I seriously don't know, right now she doesn't look to good. Her family are all here, her mother is beside herself."

"What's her name?" Meredith asks, fork in hand, her thoughts completely harbored by this awful news.

"Elizabeth."

"...What a beautiful name."

"I know..."

"You just have to meet this little girl." Addison smiles. Taken aback by her own actions, Meredith smiles back. _What the hell is wrong with me? _Addison's pager goes off. "Damn, emergency Spinal Tap!" Addison rises from the table, "say, you want to be my assistant?"

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Elizabeth is the cutest little girl you have ever seen. She has a tan complection, like she's been out in the sun, and very dark almost black hair.

"This is Dr. Grey she will be assisting me on this procedure." Addison informs Elizabeth's family. They all just nod to scared and upset for their little girl's life. Addison hands Meredith the needle. Meredith stands there as Addison lifts up the tiny girls robe. "Okay, just do what I told you." Meredith sticks the needle into the skin of the spine and pulls the handle back, cerebrospinal fluid filling the vile.

"Please take this for testing," Meredith says, handing the vile of spinal fluid to a nurse."

"Will she be okay?" It's Elizabeth's mother, she sitting right next to her daughter, her face stained with tears.

"We wont know until we get the results back." Meredith replies, feeling the concern as well.

"The results should be back in a few hours or so, we will let you know then." Addison informs placing a hand on the woman's shoulder. Meredith and Addison leave the room.

"Will she be okay?" Meredith couldn't help but get attached.

"She is very ill, there is a slim chance she'll make it..." Meredith's head sinks.

"Meredith!" Christina is running down the hall after her and Addison.

Meredith turns around, "what's the matter?" She asks stopping in the middle of the hall, Addison notices she is no longer walking and stops a short distance away.

"Burke is operating on this guy who swallowed a quarter collection, lets go watch." Christina says, looking from Meredith to Addison.

"Go ahead Dr. Grey, I'll page you when I get the results back" Addison says turning and walking down the hall. Meredith follows Christina.

"What was that all about? I saw you sitting with her at lunch...man, how do you swallow 20 quarters?" Christina asks leaning forward as she watches Burke down below.

"I helped her with a Spinal Tap...and she didn't want to sit alone..."

"McDreamy was in surgery I take it?"

"Yeah...wow, quarters, those seem to big to go down someone's throat."

"That guy was stupid." Alex says leaning forward and looking at the two girls from the corner of his eye. Burke looks up for a moment and glares at Alex..

"You should really watch what you say." Meredith says leaning back against the chair and folding her arms.

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The results of the little girl named Elizabeth are back and are positive. She has to under go a lot of treatment to get through this. Unfortunately she is so ill she isn't even conscious anymore. Alisa, Elizabeth's mother, was ushered out of the room by her husband, said she needed proper rest and some food in her stomach. Meredith has now taken her place at Elizabeth's bedside. Meredith is just looking at her. _This poor little girl...what did she do to deserve this?_ Meredith wonders, studying the girls face. Meredith thinks back to a little boy maybe three years older then Elizabeth, he must be her brother. He was holding his sister's hand and singing a song, she thinks it was called Somewhere out there. _Wasn't that from the fival movie?._She knew that even though his sister wasn't awake, he thought she could hear him.

"I know you probably don't understand me but, you have to be strong, for your family and your broth's sake. They need you..." Meredith whispers Touching the little girls tiny fingers. _She is very ill...I hope she can beat this._

"Hey," Derek's voice filters through the room, very softly.

"How long have you been standing there?" Meredith asks, a little above a whisper."

"Not long, how is she?" He asks walking closer to Meredith

"No change..."

"Addison told me you did the Spinal Tap..."

"Yeah..." Meredith says, feeling uncomfortable again. She gets this look on her face and Derek looks at her concerned.

"What's wrong?" His eyes lock on hers.

"It's...it's just, she hasn't even gotten the chance to be a person yet...she still brand new, she's so little and this had to happen to her..." Meredith looks down at Elizabeth's tiny hands. "Why Derek?"

"I wish I knew..."

"I just don't understand it...Why so many hoops? Why do we always have to go through all these hoops? What's the purpose?" Meredith's emotions start to get the better of her and she gets up from the chair.. Derek walks over to her. She looks like she could use a hug, some comfort. He knows she's not just talking about this little girl. Meredith looks up at him, a single tear lingering in her eye. Her head lowers and she leans forward into him. He raps his arms around her, resting his chin on the top of her head. _If only things were different_...

**Chapter two is done. Please tell me what you think so I'll know if I should continue. By the way, I based the little girl from my own Experience, even used my name...yep..**


	3. Chapter 3

**Mistakes**

Head down on the kitchen table, Meredith hides her face which shows her low self-esteem. Izzie stayed a little longer at the hospital to keep Danny company. Since she is home alone, Meredith feels utterly alone. Izzie has a boyfriend, Christina has Burke, George has Kathy and still wont talk to Meredith... She feels like such a...a. whore. What was she thinking, _why am I always making these stupid mistakes?_

"I am a whore..." She says to herself, her voice muffled, seeing as her heads on the counter top, resting on her arm. She lifts her head up. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying and she has black rings under her eyes from the lack of sleep. She hates herself. _I don't deserve to look at them._ She's thinking about both George and Derek. She's thinking about what brought her to this? What made her this way, make her feel like she has to be comforted by sex. Why can't she control it? I mean, Derek was great to have, She misses the closeness, the way he'd comfort her, all he had to do was look at her with the crooked smile of his and she felt better. And George. All he was trying to do was tell her he loved her and look what she did. She feel like she is a huge slut in his eyes, the whole hospital probably thinks so. She wishes she could go back in time and fix all her stupid mistakes...but she can't, she has to sit here and do nothing. She's tried to fix things with George, but he just wont listen. She's fixed this with Derek, not that there was anything wrong, it was his fault. He was the one who messed that up. Meredith just feels like there is something else she can be doing.

Meredith wipes the stray tears from her eyes. _It seems like I am constantly crying...make it stop._ There is nothing else Meredith can do. She walks over the frig and opens it to grab herself a beer. She takes a big swig of it and sits on the counter. Meredith doesn't want to just sit back and let all her bad mistakes go. Sometimes she wished she chose a different profession. Only thing is, she loves the playing field. She hasn't been in a surgery for a few days though. She's afraid to go into one, she doesn't feel focused, her mind is elsewhere. Like today, when she was crying into Derek's chest. She wanted so badly to Help poor Elizabeth, but then she suddenly felt selfish because she was crying over her own problems when other people and patients at the hospital had bigger, even worse problems then she did.

The clinging of Keys to counter top could be heard,

"Long day?" Izzie asks going into the frig to pull out some chocolate cupcakes, a beer for herself and another for Meredith seeing as she was almost done with her first..

"It doesn't even begin to describe it." Meredith replies taking a cupcake off the plate that was offered to her.

"How's your friendship with McDreamy going?" Izzie asks through a mouthful of chocolate.

"Same..." Meredith finishes her last gulp of her beer and opens another. Meredith rather not talk about it.

"Are you okay? You haven't picked up any guys at Joe's lately." Meredith gets very angry.

"Life's not all about sex Izzie!" Meredith slams her beer down, pushes a chair out of the way, almost knocking it over on her way out the door. She runs up the stairs to her room, pounding her feet all they way and then slamming her door. Izzie looks down at the floor, wishing she hadn't said that.

Meredith thumps herself onto her bed and buries her head in her pillow.

"I'm a whore..."

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The alarm clock can be heard but Meredith chooses to ignore it. She doesn't feel like going in today. She doesn't want to have to face Addison's weird niceness towards her, she doesn't feel like she deserves it. Meredith doesn't want to face the awkward silence of George when she's near him, or walk with Derek this morning. She doesn't want to have to explain the reason for her being in this lament mood.

"Meredith!" _what's she doing up this early? _Meredith asks herself. Meredith usually sets her alarm earlier so she can meet Derek for their walk, so Izzie is never up when she leaves. Meredith doesn't answer her.

"Meredith! Your _friend _is at the door." Meredith's head pops up from it's position in her pillow. _He's here? _She can't help but feel a little excited...She doesn't remember hearing the doorbell. Meredith quickly gets dressed and heads down stairs. Before she gets all the way down McDreamy meets her at the bottom.

"What are you doing here?"

"What? I can't come and get you?"

"...no...I was coming." Meredith says sifting her hair with her hands.

"Nah, thought you could use a brake from driving." Meredith smiles at his generosity,

"Can you hold on a sec? I need to brush my teeth and hair and all the stuff." Meredith asks him starting up the stairs slowly while looking at him.

"Sure I'll be in the kitchen." He replies giving her a smile and walking through the kitchen door. Izzie is leaning up against the counter sipping coffee from her pink coffee mug. "Sorry to wake you," Derek apologizes has he sits at the table to wait for Meredith.

"It's okay, I was awake anyway, thinking, you know..." She trails off.

"How's he doing?" Derek asks, indicating Danny.

"Better..."

"That's good to hear..." Derek knows she is falling for Danny.

"What are you two talking about?" Meredith walks into the kitchen her hair is hanging loosely at her shoulders.

"Nothing much." Derek replies smiling at her.

Meredith smiles over her shoulder has she walks over to the counter Izzie is leaning against and pours herself a coffee into her mug,

"Want some?" She asks Derek, gesturing with her own mug. Derek shakes his head,

"No thank you, ready to go?"

"Yep, I'll see you for Pre rounds." Meredith tells Izzie. Derek walks through the kitchen door first. When he passes Meredith he breezes in the sweet lavender sent of Meredith's hair.

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"Why though?" She asks him about why he's come to get her, The Clash playing on low volume in the background.

"No reason..." He replies keeping his eyes on the road.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Well...I'm seriously giving you a brake, because that's what friends do, and...I wanted to tell you something and couldn't wait."

"What's that?" She asks, looking at him with a smile.

"Addison knows we walk together in the mornings, and doesn't care."

"Okay..cool then."

"Well it's great to me, It means she trusts me." Derek turns up the volume of the CD player a little more.

"She shouldn't trust me..." Meredith whispers.

"What's that?" Derek asks, he couldn't hear her over the music.

"I said you mean _us, _you said me." He's quiet for a second...No, he said it right.

When Meredith gets out of the car, Doc runs up to her, all excited as if she was his mother and he spent the weekend at his dads. She bends down and gives him a hug, ruffling up his furry head. She doesn't notice the extra person standing a few feet away.

"Good morning Meredith." Addison greets from her place in the doorway of the trailer. Addison looks like she is still in her sleep wear, but her hair seems to be brushed through. She's holding a cup of coffee in her hand. Meredith looks up, her hair in her face.

"Hello...Addison." She replies, pushing her hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ears. She surprised at herself, she didn't call her Dr. Shepherd. _Shepherd..._ Meredith hates that last name on her.

"Okay, we are going for a walk see you at work." Derek says, kissing his wife on the cheek absentmindedly. Luckily Meredith wasn't looking, but she knew what he did. Meredith starts walking but turns around,

"Bye." She says knowing it wouldn't be polite to just walk away. Addison waves, a smile plastered on her face, Meredith thinks it looks fake.

"How is Elizabeth?...Addison told me." Derek asks, he is walking with his hands in his pockets, thinking about the moment he had with Meredith in Elizabeth's room.

"She was still the same when I left the hospital last night..."

"Oh..."

"I hope she makes it, I've grown rather attached..." Meredith walks with her rams folded, thinking about Elizabeth's poor innocent figure lying in the hospital bed.

"Baby's can have that kind of affect on people."

"I didn't really need that comfort yesterday, I'll get over it." Meredith says, talking about the incident in Elizabeth's room.

Derek didn't say anything. They walked most of the way in silence. All thoughts of their closeness the day before lingering in the air. It may have just been a strong embrace, nothing more, but it meant a lot to them. They hadn't been that close and supportive for a long time, since before Addison; before all the horrible mistakes.

Meredith sighs. "I haven't been in a surgery for over two days."

"Why not? I know you've gotten offers." Derek asks, looking at her now.

"My mind has been elsewhere, I don't want to screw up during surgery." She looks down at her feet.

"Meredith..." Derek pauses for a moment, waiting for her to object. She doesn't so he continues. "Are we going to talk about this?"

"Talk about what Derek... Nothing happened." She's trying to keep her composer.

"...I know...but.."

"But what? Do you think there was some feeling there? Because I'm not going to lie..."Meredith stops in her tracks, looking him in the eye now.

"..." Derek doesn't know what to say.

"Yes Derek there are still feelings here between us that haven't gone away and probably wont, but what are you going to do? You chose her..." her voice weakens.

"I..."

"No Derek... you chose her, you can't just go and change your mind like that, I don't even know what to say to you anymore.." Meredith sits on a nearby rock, she's on a roll. All the things she's been wanting to say are all coming out now. Derek just looks at her.

"I'm trying to get over you..." Meredith look down at the dog who is now lying at her feet. "I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to make all this work with Addison because I feel like I owe it to her." Derek stops, _but then I feel like I don't owe her anything because she was the one who turned her back,_ Derek thinks to himself. Meredith is still looking at the ground.

"What are you doing Derek?" She asks, indicating his feelings.

"I don't know..it's just, I see you at work, I have..these feelings, and then I go home to my wife, but all I think about is you...I can't help it, I can't lie about this anymore. We ended so fast I didn't have time to move on.

"You hurt me...you hurt me so much it left me wounded... I'm not going to lie." Meredith repeats herself, staring at him, her face flushing with pent up anger.

"I know I did and I want to fix that, but I feel like I have an obligation to my wife." Even that felt ridiculous coming out of his mouth. She thought so too.

"I want to know what you _want_, not what you _think_ you **need **to _do_, but really want...I don't know what to do anymore." She can feel the lump forming in her throat and the tears welling up in her eyes..

"You know the answer." He says, looking at her, that crooked smile of his slowly forming on his face even though they are having a serious conversation.

Meredith says nothing, just fiddles with her fingers nervously like her mom does with her watch. Derek walks over to her, bending down in front of her. He takes both her hands in his and looks at her. Her heads is down again and he lifts her chin up with a finger. She looks at him, a single solitary tear traveling down her cheek, she feels like what's about to happened is a mistake. He wipes her tear away with is thumb. He leans in close to her, and his soft lips meet hers. She finally gives in and deepens the kiss. All the pent up desire and emotion for each other playing in there intense kiss. Meredith knows what she's doing, she knows that this time, it's not a mistake.

**Chapter 3! Did you like it? Have any ideas for the 4th? I could use a little help please.Also, I know Meredith and Derek my sound a little out of character btu I think everyone would when it comes to a conversation like they were having.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Enough**

Warm water flows from the shower head like a waterfall, pouring down on her as she sits curled up on the bottom of the tub. Her head is resting in one hand, elbows on her knees bent up into her emotionally drained body. She's remembering everything that went on that day. She remembers expressing herself, letting everything out and Derek then telling her how he felt and then he kissed her. She was thinking that it wasn't a mistake to give into him, that some how everything was going to be okay again. She was kidding herself. After the walk, the kiss, she left him on the path; running to her car that wasn't even there. He showed up at the trailer five minutes later to find her sitting on the ground, shaking with exposer. Addison must have left already because her car was no longer in the driveway.

"Just take me to work . . . " She remembers saying to him. So he did. He brought her to work, the car ride there in a completely awkward silence that fogged over them.

When they got to Seattle Grace Hospital, they went their separate ways. Meredith met up with the other interns for pre-rounds not saying anything the whole time. Christina could sense a mood and this time she decided not to question her, thinking she needed some time. Meredith got asked to scrub in on one of Burkes surgeries and she didn't decline. The surgery went well, she was happy just briefly for not screwing it up. She had made herself focus on the task at hand. She can't keep letting her personal life and problems get in the way of her internship, her career. After she got out of surgery, Derek stopped her in the hall and asked to speak with her. She made up an excuse about how she had to check up on Elizabeth seeing as Addison said she was now her responsibility. Meredith left him in the hall in bewilderment.

Meredith closes her eyes, pushing all thoughts of Derek and what happened that morning, how good it felt, out of her mind. Instead she thought about Elizabeth. The poor little eight month old is getting worse, she is deteriorating in front of her family's eyes and all Meredith can do is sit and watch. They have her on treatment but Meredith feels like it's not helping. Addison had walked into the room while Meredith was sitting by Elizabeth's side earlier that day and told her that she had to get worse before she could get better. Meredith wanted to believe her but it just seemed to real, to messed up and wrong to be true. _Nothing actually gets better_..._it just goes away for a while,_ Meredith infers. She's partially right, but when someone is ill like the poor little girl, they either get better or... they don't. What Meredith is thinking about is emotionally draining problems, metaphorical wounds of her bleeding heart. Some things she feels can't be fixed like a broken bone or a scrape on a child's knee when they fall down on the hard concrete. Meredith wants to believe that everything will be better, that Elizabeth will be free of her deathly illness, and grow up to live her life as she should, and that Meredith can forgive Derek for not telling her about being married, that it will be enough.

But what really is enough? _Enough, Pronoun: as much or as many as is necessary or desirable, _Meredith defines in her head as she gets up off the floor of the shower.What is the exact definition she is looking for? There are so many ways in describing it. _"You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like..I was drowning and you saved me..it's all I know..." _Meredith remembers Derek saying this to her...and all she said was that it wasn't good enough. but really..._what is enough?_

Meredith pours her lavender scented shampoo into the palm of her hand and starts scrubbing vigorously, trying to scrub away all her worries. The smell of the shampoo calms her and she closes her eyes; taking a deep breath. She rinses her hair of soap and washes up before stepping out of the shower to dry off. Wiping the mirror of condensation, Meredith stares at herself, of what thinks she has become. There is a knock at the door,

"Meredith, I'm going out to the store, do you want anything?" Izzie asks through the door.

_It's kind of late..._"Um...no I'm all set." Meredith says as she stares at herself. She hears the quiet footsteps of her friend as she walks down the stairs, then the glass door closing. She is alone again in this empty house.

She finishes drying herself off and gets into her sleep wear. Meredith walks down the stairs and into the kitchen. She just stands there in the middle of the kitchen, unsure about what she is in there for. She looks in the frig, _no more beer,_ Meredith mentally stops herself from drinking anymore tonight. Instead she grabs a carton of orange juice and pours herself a glass. Leaning against the counter sipping her juice, Meredith thinks of ways she can go about this "kiss" issue differently. She could pretend it never happened because what are the odds that McDreamy will sign the forgotten divorce papers? Of course she secretly wishes that he'll leave Addison or that Addison will just up and leave because she feels like she is no match for Meredith. But of course, it is all some fantasy Meredith knows will never come true, like the fairy tales she's always proving to be unrealistic.

Meredith walks out of the kitchen and into the livingroom. Instead of laying down on the sofa she lets herself fall onto the floor. She just lies there. Staring up at the ceiling, still holding the glass of orange juice. Meredith lies there for about ten minutes or so before she hears the footsteps of Izzie and the crinkling of grocery bags.

"What did you go out for at this hour?" Meredith asks as Izzie walks into the living room to find her friend on the floor.

"Baking supplies.." She replies lying on the floor a few feet away, her blonde hair spread out a crossed the floor.

"What's wrong?" Meredith can tell something's up.

"It's Denny..." Izzie starts taking a deep breath and letting it out with a slow sigh.

"You fell for him didn't you."

"Don't..okay? I rather not talk about it..." Izzie asks, her voice getting weaker with every word.

Meredith is taken aback, usually Izzie is the one who gets all touchy feelie. "Don't bake tonight, it's getting late anyway." Meredith says, placing her glass on the floor beside her, getting up. Meredith walks over to Izzie and lends out a hand. Izzie takes it and Meredith pulls her up. Meredith places a gentle reassuring hand on her friend's arm and then walks out of the room to go upstairs to her bed where she will stare up at the ceiling until she sleep dominates her.

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Meredith is standing in the doorway of Elizabeth's room, whose mother is sleeping with her head on the bed. She can tell she's been there all night.

"Mrs. Devoe?" Meredith whispers as she walks into the room. She puts a hand on the tired woman's shoulder, "Mrs. Devoe..." The women lifts up her head and looks at her daughter and then at Meredith.

"How is she?" She asks, placing her hand on her daughter's tiny one.

"I haven't checked her chart yet, Why don't you go down to the cafeteria and get yourself some coffee, I'll stay here with her." Meredith says helping Mrs. Devoe out of the chair. The groggy woman walks out of the room, leaving Meredith to check Elizabeth's chart. Apparently there wasn't any change so they put her on some stronger medication. Elizabeth is ghostly white, she has tubes sticking out of her right arm and one around her face under her nose. _She shouldn't be going through this, she's just a baby.. _Meredith sighs and takes a seat next to the innocent. She watches as her little stomach slowly rises and falls as she breaths slowly in and then slowly back out. Meredith notices the small smile that she has on her face, like she has some secret. Meredith finds herself smiling as well and she holds Elizabeth's hand, giving it a tiny squeeze. Elizabeth's finger twitches. Meredith Jumps a little and then looks at the girl again. Nothing... _odd..._

"I have faith in you..." Meredith whispers.

"She'll get better." It's Addison. Meredith just nods slightly, not taking her eyes of the little girl. Addison looks over the chart and then places it back at the end of the bed. "I brought you a coffee, I could tell you were tired." Addison hands Meredith the coffee. Meredith just looks into the cup at the tan liquid. "I actually had to ask Derek how you liked it..." Addison sounds a little sad.

"Mmm..." Meredith decides to take a sip, yep, just how she likes it. A sad look crosses her face and she looks down at Elizabeth again.

"I'm kidding myself...thinking I can repair this marriage..." Addison takes a seat in the far corner of the room. Meredith looks at her but doesn't respond. She doesn't really know what to say to that. "I thought if I came back everything would be okay again...but..."

"..." Silence on the other end.

"Karma.." A deep sigh comes from Addison as she gets up and leaves the room, not giving Meredith any orders for Elizabeth's health. Meredith stays where she is, thinking about what Addison had said. _Karma...I just have a bit of bad karma...but when will it end?_

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For some reason Meredith seemed to be at higher spirits as she sits down to eat her lunch with the group.

"My unconscious Meningitis patient twitched her finger." Meredith says taking a bite of food.

"I wonder why?" Izzie says sitting down next to Christina.

"I squeezed her hand..."

"Your getting attached." Christina warned stuffing a hot dog into her mouth.

"Oh so what!" Izzie blurts out and then suddenly goes quiet. Everyone looks at her and Christina shakes her head.

"At least she's not dating her patient," Alex retorts getting ready to sit with them.

"Leave!" Meredith and Christina shout in unison. Alex gives them a look and walks off.Christina wants to say that he proves a valid point but decides against it. Meredith looks around the table, noticing Georges absence.

"Hey, where's George?"

"Siting over there with that Kathy chick." Christina gestures to the far corner of the cafeteria with her other hot dog. "You jealous?" Meredith laughs but immediately stops when Derek walks by on his way to sit with Addison. He stops to smile at her but Meredith just puts her head down as if to fork something into her mouth.

"Oh." Christina and Izzie muse.

Meredith ignores them. She takes a peak at Derek as he leans in to kiss Addison on the cheek. To Meredith's surprise Addison dodges it. Derek seems a little uneasy but sits down. _What was that about? _Meredith asks herself.

Later after lunch Meredith is standing by the nurses station readying over some charts, she has just gotten back from checking up on Elizabeth who seems to be doing a little better. Meredith is very happy by this and it shows on her face.

"You seem happy." Derek says leaning on the counter, running a hand through is hair.

"One of my patients is doing better." Meredith states trying to look engrossed in the charts.

"Don't you think we should talk about this?" Derek looks at her pleadingly.

"About what?" She looks at him but then quickly away.

"I meant everything I said and did...that should be enough." Derek states, pulling Meredith's arm to face him.

"I..." Meredith starts.

"You know you can't ignore me forever."

Meredith's pager goes off, "I can for now." She leaves her charts and starts running in the direction of Elizabeth's room.

**Okay, Sorry about the mix up about Danny and Denny, It is indeed Denny. Sorry for the mistake. Now, what do you think about this chapter? I kinda had a hard time because I didn't get many reviews on the last chapter...So I'm hoping I will now...so please review, much is appreciated.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Left**

Meredith was panicked even before she reached to the room. She swung herself into he doorway panting,

"What happened?" She asks frantically grabbing Elizabeth's Chart without even looking at her first.

"Look at her!" Addison says excitedly. Meredith looks at the little girl lying in the hospital bed. Chocolate brown eyes meet her hazel ones. Meredith's face cracks into a huge smile. Elizabeth's mother and father and Grandparents are crying with joy. Mrs. Devoe is kissing her little girls face all over. She hugs Meredith who returns the favor with an equally strong embrace.

"Thank you so much Dr. Grey!" Mrs. Devoe says into Meredith's shoulder.

"She was delighted to take care of her." Addison says smiling at Meredith and Elizabeth's family. "Now if you walk with me we can go over treatment plans for her for then next two weeks." Addison says leading the family out of the room, leaving Meredith with the now conscious Elizabeth. Meredith walks over to the little girl and leans in to give her a gentle hug. Nobody knows this but she's been wanting to do that ever since she laid eyes on her.

Meredith takes the seat next to her bed as she as done countless times over the past week. She notices the small smile still plastered on the tiny girls face,

"You knew you'd get better...you scared everyone half to death...even me..." Meredith tells the little one, massaging her tiny knuckles.

"Scared me too." Mcdreamy says from his place leaning against the doorway, a smile playing on his soft lips.

"How do you always seem to walk in when I'm having a moment?" Meredith asks him almost forgetting that she's not really speaking to him.

"Right place at the right time I guess." he smiles at her an then looks down at Elizabeth. Meredith doesn't know this, but he came in here every once and a while to sit with her. "Hey you." he says to Elizabeth holding her tiny hands. She just smiles up at him the closes her eyes.

"You'd think she'd be wide awake after being asleep for a week." Meredith points out watching Elizabeth open her tiny mouth to yawn.

"Her illness has drained her fragile body..." Meredith couldn't help up look at the way he's staring at this little baby. She thinks he'd be a great father.

"Derek..." she suddenly gets serious, fiddling with her own fingers now.

"Hmm?" he knows what she is about to bring up and he gets serious as well.

"I couldn't handle it...I mean, we kissed and I couldn't handle that fact that it effected me greatly, and that I knew nothing was going to change..." Meredith looks away form him.

"I shouldn't have done that...but I couldn't help it..." He responds rather quietly.

Addison is walking down the hall to tell Meredith to start Elizabeth on her new medication but hears voices. She stops outside the room and leans against the wall listening.

"This friends thing isn't working is it?" Meredith asks sighing a little.

"No...it's just making this..much worse..." Derek whispers, placing a hand on Meredith's. Addison can hear how soft he speaks to Meredith and thinks back on how he speaks to her, like he cares, but deep down she knows he is only trying out of obligation. She knows he will never forgive her for what she did. Deep down she knows that she shouldn't be forgiven. This is how Addison feels not that she has tried to fix this marriage with him. She has finally heard enough and turns and walks in the other direction.

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Christina and Izzie are sitting in the livingroom talking when Meredith walks in. Meredith was extremely tired from her long shift and took a nap when she got home. At the sight of Meredith and her hair all askew, Christina and Izzie burst out into hysterical laughter.

"What?" Meredith asks, a smile playing on her lips. She tries to run a hand through her knotted hair. "Oh..."

"Thanks, I really needed a good laugh." Izzie says her laughter subsiding.

"What are you guys talking about?" Meredith flops down between her two friends.

"Just comparing the surgeries we scrubbed in on today." Christina says leaning back against the soft cushions of the sofa.

"How's Elizabeth?" Izzie asks, leaning back as well.

"She's awake...he caught me talking to her..."

"McDreamy? Doesn't surprise me, he's always walking into whatever room you're in, kind od annoying.." Christina points out. Meredith everts her gaze.

"We kissed." Meredith says randomly. Both girls lean forward to stare at her. Meredith shrugs in defeat.

"Mer!" Izzie scolds staring at her wide eyed.

"I know but...he's McDreamy!" Meredith states as if it was the best reason in the whole world.

"What's it mean?" Christina asks leaning back again, seeing as she also was staring at Meredith wide eyed, mouth agape.

"Nothing..."Meredith says sadly staring off into space. "He kissed me..."

"And you didn't object, of course." Christina says chuckling to herself silently.

Christina goes home after a while leaving Izzie and Meredith all alone. Izzie is making chocolate frosting from scratch, she as her cake is in the oven. Meredith is sitting at the table sipping tequila. Meredith is not thinking about McDreamy, but of Addison. She recalls Addison dodging Derek's "hello" kiss on the cheek and then confessing to herself aloud that her marriage is failing and unfix able. _What does this all mean? Should I get my hopes up? Does this mean she's leaving?_

"What the hell does it mean?" Meredith says aloud. Izzie turns around holding a wooden spoon of chocolate, she dips her index finger into the chocolate and licks her finger.

"What?" she offers the spoon to Meredith who takes it graciously and licking most of the frosting off with one big lick.

"I think Addison gives up..." Meredith's face shows of puzzlement, she's been thinking about this for most of the day.

"What..how? Izzie sputters a little, opening the oven to check on her cake.

"Well we were in my patient's room and she suddenly confessed, saying "I'm kidding myself...thinking I can repair this marriage..." it was weird...then she said something about Karma...I don't know this seems all to real now!" Meredith leans forward on the table, one hand on her forehead the other swirling her glass in circles on the tabletop. She hopes she will leave, but then again, she did pretty much tell Derek there was no hope for them anyway. But she can't help but hope. She would take him back in a heart beat, She misses him so much even though she sees him everyday. What she misses is his strong protective embraces, and the way he kisses her on the forehead when he'd bring her home. She misses those smiles he'd give her, not that he doesn't do that now. But she misses the part where he smiled only for her, that said he loved only her and she was all he needed.

"Maybe..." Izzie finally says, bringing Meredith back to her normal sate of mind. "I think your right." she finishes pulling her cake out of the oven to cool. Meredith looks at her glass of tequila, it's half ful. She picks it up and throws back her head as she gulps down the last bit.

"Izzie?" Izzie turns around, looking at her friend questioningly then says,

"Yep, I'll get out the bottle" she pulls out a never been opened bottle of tequila and pours Meredith a fresh glass.

"This is going to be a long night.." Meredith says gulping down that glass as well.

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"Okay Mr. And Mrs. Devoe, Dr. Shepherd isn't here right now but she had earlier given me the okay to let you take Elizabeth home." Meredith says to the happy expressions on the families face.

"Thank you so much Dr. Grey!" Mrs. Devoe says happily.

"Your welcome, Now I just need you to fill out some forms at the nurses sation, I'll get Elizabeth ready for you."

"Thank you so much." Mr. Devoe says placing a thankful hand on Meredith's shoulder before leaving the room ahead of his wife.

"Here are some clothes for her," Mrs. Devoe say handing her a diaper bag. Meredith takes the diaper bag and walks to the doorway to watch the Devoe's leave to room happy that their daughter is going to be fine. Meredith turns around and sits at the end of bed searching though the diaper bag for the clothes. She finds them and places them beside her. She pulls the blankets off of Elizabeth and picks her up. She places her on her lap facing her and just looks ta her for a moment. She is a beautiful little girl, Addison was right. Elizabeth has very dark hair, almost black. Meredith wonders if it will curl when it gets longer or say straight. She looks into those small chocolate colored eyes. The complement her hair. Meredith secretly wonders what her daughter would look like. _If Mcdreamy were the father..._ they would most likely have very beautiful and handsome babies...of course, Meredith thinks that will never happen.

Elizabeth grabs a strand of Meredith's honey hair that has escaped from her messy pony tail. Meredith carefully removes her tiny hands from her hair and holds them. One of Elizabeth's fingers raps around her index finger. Meredith smiles down at her, entranced by this little beauty. Finally she remembers she was going to get her dressed for her mother. She lays the baby down on the bed and removes the tiny baby sized nightgown. Elizabeth sits still for her while she puts on her pants and shirt. Meredith makes cooing sounds at the baby all the while. What she doesn't know is that Derek is standing in the doorway. Meredith lifts Elizabeth up to place her on her lap to put her socks and shoes on and sees the crooked smile of McDreamy.

Meredith ignores his presence and raps her rams around the little girl to put her socks on.

"I always thought you were the mother type." Derek says walking into the room a little. Meredith goes to reach for the right shoe but it falls to the floor. Derek bends down and picks it up but stays on his knees and starts to put it on for her. He ties up the laces, Meredith looking at him dreamily. He tickles Elizabeth under the chin and a small laugh escapes her.

"Where's Addison? She didn't come in to discharge." Meredith casually says handing him the left shoe. Derek tries not to look at her, and she senses something is going on. Derek ties up the shoe laces on the last shoe and stands up after giving Elizabeth's little leg an affectionate squeeze.

"She left..." Derek says quietly. Meredith can't quite detect to mood behind that statement.

"Oh..." was all she could stay.

"I have a surgery soon, I came here to let you know you are scrubbing in. See you in ten minutes." He says looking her in the eyes before leaving her aline with Elizabeth again. Meredith looks dumbfounded but pushes it aside as she picks up the little one and brings her to he parents.

**This isn't that long...but I haven't been getting reviews letting me know to keep going, so I probably wont..I donno, unless you can show me that you really, really like it, if not, I'm getting rid of it. Not to sound winy but it's a waste of time if no one reads it. So yeah. Review please.**


	6. Authors Note

**Authors Note**

Hey readers! I just wanted to let you know that there is going to be a delay in giving you the fifth chapter of this fanfiction. I have a lot going on right now and don't have the time at the moment to write. So if you please, be patient. Thank you all very much. :)

_Elizabeth_


	7. Chapter 7

**Just Remember**

Throughout the surgery, Meredith couldn't help up throw mixed emotional messages and glances in McDreamy's direction. Frankly, she wasn't quite sure how to react to this braking news. She feels gladthat Addison is now out of the picture, hopeful that Derek will wont her back...but also scared of getting her heart broken again. She doesn't think she could take it if that happened again. Her heart is like a fragile piece of glass, one small clumsy tap of emotion, and it falls to pieces.

Meredith is standing in Mr. Mathews's room as he sleeps. He is still groggy from the surgery. She's just filling out a few things on his chart. She's hinking about how addison was trying so hard to be her friend, but why? Meredith just thinks she was trying to get big points with Derek. _yeah, thats it._

"How'd it go?" Mr. Mathews says from the bed. His eyes are still closed but he knows who she is.

"Very well Mr. Mathews." Meredith says walking over to stand beside him. She finishes up a sentence she was writing on his chart and takes a seat.

"What did I tell you about being formal, please, call me Jake."

"okay...Jake, you are doing just fine." Meredith says laughing a little. He opens his eyes and smiles at her and she smiles back.

"Have you seen my daughter?" His eyes search around the room and then land back on Meredith.

"Yes, she's down in the cafeteria, want me to go get her?" Meredith places his chart at the end of the bed.

"No, that's okay.."

"How are you feeling?" She asks getting up and checking his heart beat with her stethoscope.

"I'm good..."

"That is very good to hear." She replies removing the ice cole stethoscope from his chest ad placing it around her neck.

"You want to know something?" Jake suddenly asks. Meredith looks at him questionably and sits down in a chair beside him again.

"Sure, what is it?" she places her hands in her lap, getting comfortable. She doesn't have anywhere else she has to be right now, she likes talking to Jake anyway.

"Anna, my daughter, she's all I've got...she has been by my side for as long as I remember...she was terrified when she got the call that I was in the hospital. She came in here crying, blaming herself for this because she wasn't with me at the time." He looks up at the ceiling. "I don't know what I would do without her."

"Everyone needs someone to take care of them, even if most of us think we can handle it." Meredith tells him. He closes his eyes and nods.

"Dr. Grey?" Meredith looks towards the door at Burke who just popped his head in.

"Yes?"

"Can you discharge my patient in room 2089?"

"Sure." Meredith says. Burke leaves and she looks back at Jake. "I'll talk to you later Mr. Mathews...Jake." He nods, understanding that she has other patients to attend to.

Meredith leans up against the wall of the lower level where her and the other interns usually rest on the gernnies. She is all done discharging Burkes patient. She saw Derek in the hall on the way down here, he gave her that smile of his that makes her want to melt to the floor. Christina is over by the snack machine buying something Izzie is finishing up with a patient and George is most likely off somewhere with Kathy.

"So that surgery went well."

"Hmm? Oh..yeah..." Meredith says a bit out of it, she's still thinking about McDreamy.

"Hey, where's the she shepherd? I haven't seen her all day." Christian continues talking, not noticing Meredith's un a whereness to the world at the moment. Christina flops herself next to Meredith an opens a bag of chips, offering one to her friend. Meredith takes a chip taking a bite, looking straight ahead into space. Christina can sense something is going on and wants to know.

"She left." Meredith suddenly says, it echos around the empty room.

"Who left?" Izzie says walking in, sipping from her pink mug as she sits down on the other side of Meredith.

"Addison, she's gone."

"They sighed the divorce papers?" Izzie asks in shock, Christina just leans forward, she's such a gossip.

"I don't know..."

"What do you mean you don't know? Where are the details!" Christina is sounding desperate now.

"I said I don't know!" Meredith is all hyped up from all her thinking. "All he said was that she was go-" Her pager goes off. "Damnitt." Meredith gets up and runs out of the room and up the stairs. Christina and Izzie look at each other, puzzled.They really wanted to know all the details, guess they will have to bug her about it later.

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Meredith stood in the scrub room looking through the glass into the Empty OR. A living man was in there a few minutes ago. Mr. Mathews, they had done surgery on not two hours ago. One of his pulmonary arteries burst, they didn't see it coming seeing as the last surgery was on his heart. His heart had stopped while Meredith was holding it during the second surgery that took place a few minutes ago. There was nothing Derek could do to save him. She blames herself, she was the one holding his heart.Derek explained to her that it wasn't her fault, that she had nothing to do with the Jake's death. He said that it was a complicated surgery to begin with and that there was a slim chance when they started, that he might not make it.

She's still transfixed on the empty surgery table when he walks in. She has her hands down in the sink, water running out of the facet and onto her shaky handsHe looks at her concerned at the look she has on her face. You'd think she'd be used to patients dying in the surgeries she scrubs in on, then again it doesn't help when you become friends with the patient.Derek clears his throat, trying to get her to snap out of whatever state she seems to be in. She seems to snap out of it when she finally begins to wash her hands. Derek wants to tell her that it wasn't her fault, but he knows he's already said this. He knows she'll get over it, she always does.

_When your holding someone's heart in your hand...even metaphorically...everything can seem like it's your fault. You just need to remember that everything, needs to be thought through before you are ready to hold something as fragile as that in your hand, it's someone's life line, someone's way of life...you have to make sure you don't squeeze to hard or take advantage of the fact that you have it, that you can do anything you want with it. But then you have to remember, that it's someone else's heart, some else's emotions you shouldn't toy with._

"So she's gone?" She asks, her voice is a little above a whisper, no hint of hopefulness or joy, just the aftershock of the surgery. McDreamy didn't see this coming and his jaw drops just slightly. He scrubs at his hands vigorously, he's furious about is failed marriage. No, scratch that. He's furious at Addison for screwing it up. He's angry at her for messing up their marriage and coming back and messing up his and Meredith's growing relationship. He finally looks at her with a small smile and nods. The smile wasn't a happy one or a sad one, just one of those smiles he gives away when he's a nervous.

"Yes, I told her too." He states. Meredith's head snaps up and a look of shock washes over her face. She didn't see this coming either. She's been thinking this whole time that Addison left on her own, no questions asked. She thought that maybe he just woke up to find a note stating that she had left. But no, he told her too...

"Oh..." Was all she could muster.

"It wasn't working out, and I didn't feel obligated to keep it going any more then it did. To be frank, she didn't deserve it. _People don't deserve a lot of things..._Meredith thought, looking Derek in the eyes.His soft blue eyes looked so sincere, she was getting week in the knees just looking in them. She used to love the affect those eyes of his had on her. But when Addison showed up, she grew to hate that pleasuring affect. Now, all the hate is draining out of her.

Derek finishes drying his hands and hands her a towel to do the same.She takes it from his hands without looking away from his eyes. She dries up and then dangles the towel at the edge of the sink. Derek looks into those hazels eyes of her's getting lost in them. Feeling just how much he's always loved her, growing stronger and stronger by every ticking second that goes by. He spontaneously moves closer to her. She doesn't back away, just stays where she is by the sink. He grabs onto her shoulders with both her hands, feeling her tense up but then slowly get comfortable. He starts to lean in and gets a whiff of her conditioner. _Lavender..._ he loves the sweet sent and remembers how it used to linger on his pillow long after she had gotten up. Meredith feels the soft touch of his lips on hers, this time she doesn't hesitate and deepens the kiss.

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Her shift is over and she's currently stretched out on the floor of the living room. A pillow is under her head. She has a headache from today's activities and all the thinking she has been doing all day. She thought about Derek telling Addison to leave. He had brought out the divorce papers from awhile back and slapped them on the table, they were signed. At first she Addison was speechless then she started to protest but he didn't want to hear it. She went back to New York. It'll be a moment in time before she's back with Mark.

"I thought the _sofa_ was for this purpose." Meredith lifts her head to find George standing over her, a smile plastered on his face. He sits down and then gradually lies down a few feet away from her. Meredith smiles to herself.

"Hey.." she says quietly, turning her head to face him.

"Hey." he says with a smile.

"I know I've said this a million times already but, I am deeply, truly sorry..." she sincerely says.

"I know you are...before I was just to hurt to listen." He looks away.

"Guess this mean I'm forgiven?" she asks him looking at him curiously, the hopefulness appearing on her face.

"I guess so." he says looking back up at the ceiling. She smiles and follows his gaze. They lay there in a comfortable silence. She's happy that he forgives her and happy that he's speaking to her again

"I missed you Georgie." Meredith says sitting up and leaning against the forgotten sofa.

"I missed you too." George says. He gets up off the floor and walks over to her. She envelopes him in a thankful hug and he of course returns the favor. "I got to go back to Christina's."

"why!" she asks grabbing onto his arm has he turns to leave.

"I have to get my stuff." he says turning to show a huge smirk on his face.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxGAxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

George is gone now, Izzie is on-call and so Meredith is yet again left in this house with her thoughts, as always. Only this time, she doesn't feel utterly alone. She's happy about McDreamy. That kiss they shared earlier that day has stayed with her. When she closes her eyes she remembers how good it felt, how _right_ it felt to be close to him again. She knows that this time, nothing can mess this up.

"Hey," Meredith turns around to see none other then McDreamy.

"Hey..." She still al little hesitant about all this. He also seems to be, they both are unsure how to get this all going again.

"The door was unlocked so..."

"It's okay..." She says sitting on the kitchen counter.

He walks over to her, putting his hands on her knees. He leans forward and kisses her forehead. He's overjoyed to be able to show affection again without the hawk like eyes if Addison on hin every second. Meredith looks up at him and kisses his lips lightly. He raps his arms around her in a strong embraces, squeezing her tightly, hoping that he will never loose her again. He feels a wet spot on his shoulder and lets go, looking at Meredith. Silent tears are rolling out of her eyes.

"What's the matter, mer?"

"I...I want you to promise me that this is real... that you wont ever hurt me again..." Derek is Horrified at how much the hurt he caused her shows on her face. He kisses her face and forehead a few times and holds onto her.

"I am so sorry, mer...No, I will never do that again, I am so sorry. I promise...I promise that this time is for real." He strokes her hair and kisses the top of her head.

"I love you..." She says into his chest. She picks her head up and he wipes her tears with his thumb.

"I love you to." He kisses her lips softly, and then deepens it, making up fore lost time.

_I hate cracking under the pressure...Being reduced to just friends screws up your emotions..._

**Found time to write this final chapter much sooner then I thought. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.** **Please tell me what you all thought of it.**


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